Category: Random Writes

I’m the bad driver.

I just realize something for the first time the other day, I am that bad driver. I mean I must be… I have made my share of driving mistakes, like: not seeing someone in my blind spot as I try to merge into another lane or seeing cars move next to me and they have a turning light and I start to move forward because I think the light is green or I start backing up and don’t see the car behind me right away etc… So, I must be the bad driver that pisses you off.

Every day I hear people tell me about how no one knows how to drive, how everyone should stay off the road, how blah, blah, blah, blah… No one ever admits to being a bad driver. So, I guess it’s me.

I just wanted to say I’m sorry and I’m working on it.


How I know a pack of smokes hasn’t gone up in price in at least 30 years.

Living in Canada and hearing all the complaints about the price of cigarettes and how they’re always going up in price… and the damn government making so much money on it etc, etc, etc…

Well I’m here to give you some good news. The price of cigarettes really hasn’t gone up like you think. But before I get to that let me clarify a couple of things about the taxes the government collects on those smokes of yours, and the cost of smoking.

These numbers are from 2012 so you can imagine the costs have gone up. Smoking costs Canada about 16 Billion dollars a year with 40% of that being direct health care costs. See, in Canada we have universal health care, that means you can walk into a hospital and get treatment with no bill to follow you. Ok, so, 6 to 7 billion dollars a year just for health care.

Smoking and fires? Yup falling a sleep in bed while smoking, tossing that smoke out the window? Yup, that costs about 75 million dollars a year. We can add all kinds of other costs, like sick days missed, early death etc…

So, how much tax money does the Canadian government bring in? Well, about 8 Billion dollars a year. As you can see, not enough to cover the costs that come with smoking.

Ok, my point was that the cost of a pack of cigarettes really hasn’t gone up in 30 years, here’s how I see it. It usually costs one hour of minimum wage to buy a pack of smokes. When I was making 4 bucks an hour back in my younger days I paid about 4 bucks for my smokes. Today a pack is anywhere from 11 to 15 bucks a pack and guess where minimum wage is across the country? I’m sure you can guess.

If you don’t want to pay for smokes quit. I don’t smoke anymore, but I do like to indulge in a drink. If the government taxes that sin to the point that I start complaining, well guess what? I’ll just shut my mouth and quit drinking. I’ll put the money somewhere else.

A final word for ya, if the Canadian Government wanted to break even on the cost of smoking, they would have to charge you $40 a pack, and that’s where Australia is heading. Think about that.

Canada votes 2019, and I’ll make a bold prediction.

Well kids, it’s time to vote… that means about 60% of you will stay home binging Netflix and wonder what “some” people are talking about the next day. Get off your lazy privileged ass and get out and vote, that’s all of you out there from 19 to 99 (or older if you can make it). It sickens me to see adults of all ages to lazy to vote. I have rarely heard of a good excuse. Go out and ruin your ballot if you want to, but go out and express your rights.

Ok, calm down Chip! Here’s my prediction. I see a probable Conservative minority government with the Green party holding the balance of power. I also predict that the Green party will achieve historic representation in the house. I wouldn’t have dreamed of voting Green, not even in my worst nightmares… but, it so happens that I am seriously leaning that way. Why? Let me just say that I usually vote based on who will probably be finance minister and how the Leader of the party looks at budgeting and financing. That said my vote is not owned by any one party. I see it as my right to vote for who I think will do the best, or the least damage. I’ll be clear I did not vote for Trudeau, his incompetence was clear from the beginning.

So, why a Conservative minority with a slight chance of a small majority? It’s simple. Trudeau is useless, the only reason he got the job is because of his dad and he’s pretty. That’s right, kids voted for him because he’s pretty. My daughters couldn’t believe that I wouldn’t vote for him. Now, their are readying to vote for the first time and guess what, they’re not voting for him now that they’ve seen the light. Or, they’re just lying to me. Both are a strong possibility.

Ok, back to why I think the Cons will win. My theory is as follows… Conservative voters rarely change their ways. Liberal voters may go back and forth between parties. I think that a lot of people who would’ve voted NDP and or Liberal will transfer that vote to the Green party. Why? Because they don’t like what the Cons are bringing to the table, they don’t think Pierre’s son is doing anything other than traveling, surfing, jogging and photo bombing. The NDP? Who? Singh has a long way to go to get anywhere? I have no idea who is? I think the greens will be the cry in the wilderness, they’ll be the vote that says, enough is enough.

Now, I did throw out the idea that they might even form opposition, if there is enough of a rebellion in the country… but Canada is no Quebec. See the election when the NDP took over that Province… That’s a rebel move. If Canadians stand somewhat together, like we did behind the Raptors. We might and I say might be able to send a message to all the parties of Canada.

Voting Green has never been my first choice hell, it was even a choice. Sure I like one or two things in their mission statement, but as a ruling party they would destroy our country. That said, it’s always easier to promise everything when you have no power. So, I will probably vote Green, not because I like them, but because a strong message needs to be sent to all the parties. Enough is enough. It’s time to scare the crap out of them.


Chip Toodee

Loud and rude neighbour…

So, we have this loud and rude neighbour, well, I shouldn’t even call him a neighbour because they live about a block away. Our house is set on a hill so we can see them from our back yard, and we can hear them.

These people tend to play their music very loud, so loud in fact that even when all our windows are shut and we close our doors we can still hear the music… did I mention my bedroom is in the front of the house?

What to do? Well we’ve asked them to turn the music down, but this pretty much resulted in a “go fuck yourself” moment. Another neighbour asked and the neighbour pulled is pants down stuck out his bare ass and said he could kiss it. Calling the police worked after 11pm, but the cops don’t show until after midnight some nights.

And so night after night we all call the cops and eventually the music and screaming stops, but sometimes not until 2 am.

Anyhow, we noticed that for the past week, the music and noise had stopped. Maybe calling the cops worked? Yesterday a cop shows up at the door. WTF? He says… “You know that loud and obnoctious person living down the street? Seems someone went into their yard last week and stole all of their gazebo furniture.” The cop had this huge smile on his lips… “Someone left a note; it said, We’ve got your furniture, when you stop partying every night and turn your music down, we’ll bring it back.” I love it, this neighbour who every they are, are my heroes. Well played Moriarty…

Happy New Year 2019

So, what will 2019 bring us? What will it bring you? If you have goals, write them down and remember to break them down into “little wins”, many “little wins”, brings on big change. If you fail or fall back, ti’s ok. Failure is the number 1 way to reach success.

Don’t fear failure, fear being at the exact place you are right now next year.

Henry ford once said, “Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.”

So, if you want to quit smoking, lose weight, smile more, have better relationships with those around you, exercise… the list goes on… start by changing your habits, by creating new ones. When you realize that you are back to your old habits, stop, realize it, then start your “new” habit again. Keep doing this and eventually your new habit won’t be new any more, it’ll just be.

Good luck, with all your dreams this year! I’ve got a few of my own I’m working on…

More than anything else though, I wish all of you to have good and healthy relationships with those around you. I think Jesus said it well when he said, “Do to others as you would have them do to you.”

Happy new year to all of you.

Help the homeless and reduce litter!

There are things I do and don’t do. If I see a homeless person sitting there day in and day out just asking for a hand out, I don’t hand out. But, when I see a homeless person walking the streets and picking up crap and bottles from the streets and ditches, I’ll stop them and hand them a few bucks and thank them for the hard work they are doing and encourage them to keep it up. Surprisingly enough (to me) I have received a few hugs for this gesture and that’s ok with me… (considering I’m not much of a hugger).

Anyhow, the reason I’m here today is to talk about an idea I’ve had for years. The idea is simple, when you go the store, be it a 7/11 or a coffee shop or what ever and grab a drink or bag of chips or a chocolate bar etc… there should be a deposit fee. I know this will upset a lot of people out there who don’t want to pay more for the crap they eat, but it’s time you suck it up. I am so tired of seeing all this stuff in the ditches and if there was a way to charge a deposit on this stuff, not unlike the bottle return fees, image how clean the city would be.

A cup of coffee 5 cents, the lid 2 cents, bag of chips, chocolate bar or candy wrapper 2 cents. I know a few people in my neighbourhood who collect bottles for extra income/ living income who would be making some good money, due to all the lazy people who prefer to toss their crap in the streets. I could go on… like, charge me 5 cents for a bag at the grocery store? You better refund me 5 cents when I bring it back, straws, cigarette packs on and on and on.

Think of all the things we could add fees to? Like I said, this will piss some people off, but, it may also prevent people from littering, and maybe even slow down the amount of junk food you eat… did I mention fast food wrappers, I need to stop here, but you think about it.


Chip and Honey Toodee

Times they’re still changing.

Sung to the music of Bob Dylan’s Time they are a changin’


Come gather around people with all your cell phones

Your texting and tweeting but you’re really alone

And your uploads and downloads to slow you bemoan

and the faster speeds you are cravin’

You think that you’re living except you’re really a drone

It’s your life you are exchanging


Come trollers and haters, you’re not women not men

It may never change, if so, I ask when

And you judge everything, by the color of skin

It’s your own lives that you are now maimin’

You think that your clean, you’re living in sin

It’s your life you are exchanging


Come sinners and righteous, the big and the small

It’s time that we stand, and start feeling appalled

There’s an upgrade here that must be now installed

We are all disengagin’

keep charging you cell phone that’s how it forestalls

It’s your life you are exchanging


Come users and losers let’s make a stand

It’s our minds and our hearts we need to expand

Not data or memory of that thing in your hand

Your future is what you are waging

Raise your head look around please don’t misunderstand

It’s your life you are exchanging


Don’t wait for the time, when we stand aghast

Posing questions that should have been asked

Time is precious, you can’t live in the past

I despair that I’m not persuading

Because time moves and it only moves fast

It’s your life you are exchanging

Written by Patrick Clermont

Education is the key to a country’s success.

If we want our country to succeed, we need to offer the best education possible. We also need to offer it at an affordable price. The following are some basic ideas of how Canada could offer post secondary education at a reasonable price and help stop the bleeding of the student loans program.  In 2015 the Government was writing off about $16 Billion in loans, that’s a huge loss not only to the Government, but also for students who find it hard to make payments and for those who can’t make payments.


The following is a basic list of things we could do to improve the system. This is not a fix all, but a way to start moving the ball towards a system that won’t break people who want to go to school and also will help those who can’t afford to go to school.


Student Loan Reform Program

  1. The Federal Government sets aside X $ and sets up a student loan system of its own.  100% of the grant system is to be used up every year. This Grant system will be funded by adding another deduction from tax payers and businesses. A payroll tax of 0.25% or $0.25 for every $100. and a business tax of 0.10%. All funds from the previous year must be used as grants and student forgiveness.
  2. Government must charge bank of Canada rates on student loans and no more.
  3. No interest accrues until the person makes an annual gross income of $25000.00, although payments are still made.
  4. As part of receiving a student loan, students must commit to having all wages garnished at a minimum of 1% , this will directly go to paying student loans. This would include any work done while going to school.
  5. Any parent, friend or family who chooses to help can also have a % of their pay directed to help reduce the burden of a specific student.
  6. For a period of 7 years, all student loan payment would be tax deductible, and would be treated the same as RRSP deductions.
  7. Student loans will be made payable via automatic deductions from work pay. Just like RRSP, CPP, Employment Insurance… Borrower will be able to increase payments by going to payroll and asking for increases in deductions.
  8. Goals will be set for loan forgiveness, students who reach a 90% grade will have  X $ of loan forgiven depending on total of funds available in the government program.
  9. All current loans would be transferred to this program.
  10. All loans would be accessible via one simple to use site.
  11. All loans payable by online banking/bill payment.
  12. Book fees need to be regulated. It seems that every year new books need to be bought at ridiculous prices. All books need to be available online, for download and price adjustments need to be made.

Dear Mr. Prime Minister Trudeau (regarding student loans)

Mr. Trudeau, do you need help with revamping Student loan rules and regulations? Here’s a little advice.


Hey there Mr. Trudeau, now let’s go get things done.

You’ve got a majority… yes, that means you won.

You want to change the world, come on now and let’s go

Let’s help the kids at home, you can now don’t you know.

It’s not hard to make a change, with majority

Just pretend our kids are yours, they’re priority….


Now we could make some changes, to those student loans

Get rid of all those losses, students wouldn’t moan… (I mean they’d still moan… just a little less)

Fancy, not losing money, every single year

Students paying back their debts, I can hear them cheer.

I know just what you’re thinking, all this can’t be done.

Let me spell it out for you, do it one by one…..


(Now this is just the basics, tweet me if you want specifics)


If you didn’t know, you give all kinds of credit,

Charity, RRSP’s, child care, you get it.  (NO, Ok so….)

RRSPs are deducted from your income,

You pay a little less tax that year, see how it’s done?

The government could give those, to those who repay.

Debt goes down, a little bit and they make headway…


All those kids are part of, a thing called family,

Some folks might like to help, reduce the agony.

So give them a credit, like line 349,

Charity begins at home, this should be just fine.

Make it all simple, to deduct it from our pay,

Help these kids get out of debt, don’t lead them astray.


There are things that you could do, to help kids do it right

Help the kids of Canada, don’t add to their plight.

With your majority, and all those brains at work,

Don’t dismiss this lyric as just some genius quirk…

Show us you care enough about the future Gen

Put your heart and soul at work, mostly just your pen….

My Robot

I don’t need a woman to satisfy me,
I’ve got my robot and she is she.
I don’t need a woman, who doesn’t do,
I’ve got my robot, how about you.

Slowly, yes slowly over the years,
My love for her grows, I shed no tears.
She’s there for me now and whenever I want,
When life is short, she does not taunt.

She bears no children, she’s hassle free,
I’ve so much time to think about me.
As I grow old, she does not decay,
‘Til the moment I die she’s there to stay.

No war, no hate, no murderous scheme,
She helps me live my selfish dream.
No cry, no sound, of children I hear,
It has been that way for many a year.

And now as I enter my final sleep,
I see how far, I see how deep.
She knew what I wanted, there was no guess,
She gave me all that, and left no mess.

No one has come to replace my life,
No humans born, to cause me strife.
No humans born, to continue the way,
Robot oh Robot, has won the day.