‘Twas just about midnight,
I looked out the window.
I saw what I saw, but,
It couldn’t have been so.

I observed looking up,
In the night sky to see,
It was old Kris Kringle,
Sitting there on a tree.

‘Twas the craziest thing,
So, I squinted my eyes.
Santa had something,
Between his big thighs.

It was hard to believe,
It went straight up his arse.
An immense Christmas tree,
This must be a farce.

He seemed to be injured,
Yet, the reindeer were laughing.
Yes, Santa looked dreadful,
Still Rudolph was clapping.

And then I saw sticking,

Out his massive red nose,

The top of said tree,

it was fairly exposed.

He suddenly let out,

An extremely big sneeze,

then out popped a star,

To come crown it with ease.

I ran out and shouted,

“Hey! will you be all right?

Are you stuck there, marooned?

Will you be there all night?”

He looked down toward me,
I believe he did say,
“You dumb SOB,
do you deem this okay?”

I saw he was still,
Holding on to his toys.
I told him to drop them,
I had no secret ploys.

He looked as if through me,
Did he visit my heart?
Santa yielded a look,
Then he let out a fart.

He relinquished the toys,
at long last he gave in.
I had me a plan,
I could finally begin.

I propelled all the toys,
To my home right away.
I started to sell them,
Oh! what would he say?

The stuff sold real quickly,
the response was quite swell.
And then I bid Santa,
A convenient farewell.

I’m guessing the doctor,
Was mistaken with three,
For my heart didn’t grow,
Not a single degree.